Archive for February, 2007
Very Special Effects
I found this commercial yesterday, and my friends and I watched it at least 20 times… laughing harder each and every time. Just watch until then end (it’s only 30 seconds long), where you’ll be treated to the hands-down worst special effect of all time. Seriously. Ever.
Just Like a Mini-Mall
I’m currently in the market for new furniture, and I soooooooooo wish that I lived in Montgomery, Alabama so I could buy my furniture from this guy.
31 + 1 = 32
Yep, once again… at 8:59am in some military hospital 32 years ago today, out popped me. Ta-da.
I’m questioning whether or not this year’s birthday post really belongs in my personal hell section, because other than the inexplicable loss of a longtime friendship, for the first time in a long, long time I’m happy. Truly happy. To the point where I’d forgotten what it felt like to be this happy.
Professionally I finally feel secure, and personally I don’t think I’ve ever been so content. I have three new members of my immediate family (even more in my extended family), a home that I can finally make my own, reliable transportation, and the genesis of a social life.
I’m a little creeped out though that the finale of American Beauty just popped into my head.
Anyway, don’t worry… this newfound and here to stay euphoria won’t prevent me from finding little things here and there to bitch about. But I must admit, that ongoing series of mine where I would detail humorous yet failed romances from my past no longer interests me in the slightest.
Sharing my birthday today are future NFL hall of famer Jimmy Smith and former Who’s the Boss? star Judith Light. And did you know that today is the day we celebrate Saint Apollonia, the patron saint of dentists?
Now for the photos: This 32nd birthday party looks a little frightening. This one’s got an awesome location. And that’s it really. I couldn’t find shots as good as last year’s batch. Sorry folks, maybe the odd years produce the best photo galleries.
See you all on the flipside, which I guess means Monday.
Anna Nicole Smith (1967-2007)
The long, controversial, and tragic ride of former Playboy model Anna Nicole Smith has come to an end. She died today at the age of 39.
All the major news outlets are reporting that Smith, born Vickie Lynn Hogan, was found unconscious in her Florida hotel room earlier today and either died on the way to the hospital or was dead upon arrival.
Say what you want about the trainwreck that was her life over the last 10 years or so: her marriage to a aging multi-millionaire and subsequent battle for his fortune, her totally bizarre reality show, weight problems, the death of her son, and the paternity battle for her newborn daughter… but once upon a time I thought she was pretty. That all went away of course once she started talking, but in her job as a model, I thought she was good at what she did. There are some very beautiful photographs of her in her early days.
She had a very brief movie career, including a very small role in one of my favorite movies ever: The Hudsucker Proxy. She also had a meaty role in the third Naked Gun movie, which is the worst of the trilogy but is still better than most in the genre that have followed it.
I can only hope that her newborn daughter can escape all this madness and live some kind of a normal life. Something tells me though that that’s going to be difficult.
Cha-Ching!
A couple of weeks ago I wrote an entry about my disgust over the new Vegetable Thins snack crackers and how they’ve been changed. I then took that entry to the Nabisco website and sent it in as a comment about their new product.
Less than a day later, they wrote back:
Thank you for visiting http://www.nabiscoworld.com.
The formulation of FLAVOR CRISPS Vegetable Thins Snack Crackers has indeed changed and I’m sorry you were disappointed with your most recent purchase.
Your experience is important to us. I’m sending you reimbursement to replace this product, via first class mail, which you should receive within 7-10 business days.
Our staff works very hard to provide the best tasting and satisfying products to the preferences of most consumers. Your opinion about the product is important to us as well and I will share your comments with our product development staff.
Thank you again for taking the time to share your thoughts.
Kim
Associate Director, Consumer Relations
Now when you hear the word reimbursement you think refund, yes? So did I. Over the weekend I received my "reimbursement", which turned out to be a coupon for a free Nabisco product of my choice (not to exceed $3.50).
Well, I can’t really complain at this point. At least it was something. Now off I go to get a box of my favorite Doo Dads snack mix. Wait, they don’t make those anymore either? Son of a bitch…
Who Needs the Super Bowl When You Have the Jesus?
This past weekend I watched what might be the single most disturbing film I’ve ever seen in my entire life. And I’ve seen a lot of films. I’ve seen zombie porn. I’ve seen the first 40 minutes of Beloved. I’ve even seen most of Gregg Araki’s filmography. More disturbing than all of them *combined* though, was Jesus Camp.
Jesus Camp is a documentary that simply switches on a camera (meaning either side of the issue can proclaim this movie is pro-their side) and shows us the lives of some evangelical Christians training brainwashing their evangelical Christian children to join God’s army or something and "die" for the crazy Christian cause. I’m paraphrasing much of what’s shown in the film, mind you, because for lengthy portions of it I either had to tune out or simply look away. The total insanity of what was going on in this thing was seriously making me uncomfortable, to the point where had I actually been part of the crew filming this movie, my head would have exploded Scanners-style.
I cannot give this film a rating, and yet I feel compelled to tell you to see it so it’ll freak your shit out too. And if you want to do so right now, go here.
So to cleanse the palate, it was decided that a donkey sex show was in order and that of course meant it was time to fire up Clerks II. I believe I can confidently say that Clerks II is my favorite of all Kevin Smith’s films. I’d have to go back and have a marathon to confirm that (and I haven’t seen Jersey Girl), but I think only Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back comes close to the level of enjoyment I got out of this one. For whatever reason I didn’t have high hopes going into it, and came out more than pleased. I’m looking forward to diving into the 6+ hours of extras included in the 2-disc set. Rating: 4.5 out of 5.0.
And I’m glad I watched it before loading up An Evening with Kevin Smith 2: Evening Harder, as you could see the genesis of many of the ideas used in Clerks II coming together in this two disc recap of his speaking tour (showcasing stops in Toronto and London). Very entertaining stuff here, and a *must watch* if you’re a Kevin Smith fan. I wouldn’t recommend watching all 4+ hours in one sitting though. Watch the first disc, take a day or two, then watch the second. Rating: 4.0 out of 5.0.
Anchorman: The TV Edition
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy was on regular television over
the weekend, so I made a point to record it just to see if there was
any ridiculous dubbing going on. Surprisingly, the movie was mostly
untouched. It never really struck me before, despite my having seen it
well over 100 times, that the film just really isn’t grotesquely
profane. Boobies, balls, whale’s vagina… almost everything like that
made it through.
One edit came during the "massive erection" scene. Veronica says "Mr.
Burgundy you have a massive e…" and they just eliminate the rest of
the word. Then the shot is digitally zoomed in ever so slightly so you
cannot see the joke erection.
But there was one supremely goofy edit about two-thirds of the way in.
In the original film, as Ron and Veronica are feuding, she changes
something in the teleprompter and Ron blindly winds up reading "Go fuck
yourself, San Diego" which then gets him fired. I knew this would pose
a problem for the TV version, and I wondered what word they’d dub over
to make it suitable for television. They couldn’t cut the scene
entirely, since it is what launches the film into the third act.
What ends up happening is they get to the point where he’s about to say
the line, then they cut away to people watching the newscast and dub
in an entire line from earlier in the film. So in an entirely
different voice you hear "You’re a dirty bitch" and then they cut back
to the original "…San Diego" end to that sentence. No effort
whatsoever, and yet I laughed for five straight minutes at how
ridiculous the edit was.
A Super Weekend
I know my struggle doesn’t even come close to being the same, but I can’t help but to hear this famous quote (as paraphrased by Al Pacino) over and over in my head today.
Re: The Super Bowl. The only Super Bowl commercial that seemed special was the 10 second Late Show promo with Dave and Oprah. It’s like companies didn’t even try this year to make anything seem like an event.
I liked the Bud Light face slapping spot, as well as the GM commercial with the robotic arm that gets fired and then commits suicide (!) before waking up and realizing it was all a dream.
I wanted to like that Budweiser commercial with the dog who was down on his luck, but they destroyed it with the CGI crap at the end. It could have worked along the lines of that donkey commercial they’ve run the last couple of years, but I really, really hate it when they use computers to manipulate the expressions of animals.
One last thing. My local CBS station kept running this promo for their newscast all through the game, which, you know, has the largest audience of any television show ever. You’d think that if you’re going to promote some big story during the biggest event of the year you could at least have the promo people spell simple words properly.
That should say "Secret Spy Signals". And yet that spelling error kept running over and over and over again. Why would I watch your story about secret spy signals when you can’t even spell it correctly? Morons.
Calling All Voyeurs
Too cold where you are today? Want to picture yourself someplace warmer?
January 19th’s cool website of the day featured a webcam site where you can spy on beachgoers at Bucuti Beach in Aruba. So go there and spy, why don’t you? That’s right, you like to watch.
3 for 3
The guys who made the trailer spoofs Must Love Jaws and 10 Things I Hate About Commandments have a new one. But please, trust me, you cannot listen to this at work. Very naughty.