Archive for August, 2007
Worst Movie Scenes of All Time: Episode 12
I’ve tried for a long time now to think of a suitable description for this clip from the Sandra Bernhard sci-fi actioner, The Apocalypse. The best I can come up with is… WTF?
Have You No Shame, Viagra?
This new ad that’s running all the time now during football games is the most repulsive commercial ever to air on television ever.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not offended by Viagra or what it does or anything. If you need it, more power to you. If I ever end up needing it in my twilight years I’ll buy it by the truckload. But good lord… if advertising executives ever needed a solid punch in the face, it would be for suggesting that concept.
First of all, the tune. Lisa Marie is outraged that it’s being used in a Viagra commercial. Good for her. Personally I think marrying Michael Jackson was probably more harmful to the Elvis estate, but this is definitely a close second.
But seriously… the concept of this spot… a group of trying-to-pretend-they’re-not-middle-aged buddies all get together in a shack somewhere to sing the praises of Viagra, which they all apparently need and have all apparently just taken. So they butcher an Elvis song, quite gleefully, singing the praises of their impending chemically induced hard-ons, and then once the blood starts flowing they all sprint out of the building and speed off to bone their wives or mistresses or whatevers.
And does Viagra even need advertising at this point? Is there anyone who doesn’t know what Viagra is or what it does? Kids are taking it for recreation at this point for crying out loud.
Seriously, punch in the face to ad execs. They need it.
Ode de Toilet
This blog was originally going to have a very different slant.
I’ve noticed that all the life changes I’ve been going through lately have really had no negative effect whatsoever. Getting engaged, becoming a father to two feisty teenagers, buying a house, moving… none of it has phased me. These are drastic changes, and yet I’ve been completely fine.
My only real concern had been the thought of do-it-yourself home repair. You see, I’ve lived in apartments all my adult life, and the reason I’ve always done so is because if something breaks, you call the guy. The guy then comes to fix the thing, and that’s that. My role is simply to dial the phone and point to the problem. The guy who knows about things does his stuff. Problem solved.
The thought of having a hand in this stuff myself though terrified me. And Sunday was going to be the start of some home repair, as my bride to be will be selling her house before we move into where ever we end up buying.
There were plenty of other things calling my name on Sunday. Staying in bed all day sounded lovely. Getting caught up on the NFL preseason would have been nice. Playing the new Xbox 360 game I’ve been itching to crack open could have been a blast. But when I arrived at my fiancee’s place yesterday afternoon, she’d already begun the process.
It started with some basic toilet repair (part of which involved something called a ballcock… teehee). But the process then exposed several other problems waiting to happen, and the whole thing snowballed into a very messy all day project, as these things often tend to do.
After an hour or so of attempted repairs, trips to the hardware store, and standing outside in the rain trying to find the water main cut off, I found myself alone, awkwardly crammed under the toilet in question, soaked in yucky toilet water and sweating like mad while holding two hoses together so that the water pouring out of the wall would flow somewhat into the nearby bathtub. It’s the kind of situation that in the past would have lead to an epic week of blogging, where my furious anger at the situation would have flowed like the blood in the streets of the non-believers.
And then the realization hits me: I’m fine with this. I’m actually more than fine with this… I’m happy. I don’t care that the day is "wasted". This is where I want to be. Well not physically… but you know, in a relationship, doing things together, having someone who’s with you 100%. All my life it’s been up to me to do damn near everything, and now I finally have a partnership. Who cares what has to be done? Who cares if weekends get tied up doing things that aren’t necessarily fun? This is what I’ve wanted in my life ever since I could remember. Now I have it.
I’m still not doing yard work though.
The ABC25 Blooper Reels: Part 3
Here’s part three of the Winter 1998 blooper reel from my ABC25 days. Watch carefully and you’ll notice the continuing trend of people calling me an asshole.
Nerd Fight!
If you’re part of the less than 2% of the home video market that gives a damn, you’re no doubt aware of the format battle going on right now between two competing High Definition DVD formats: HD DVD and Blu Ray.
I’d chosen HD DVD for my high def viewing pleasure, primarily because of cost. HD DVD hardware is considerably cheaper than Blu Ray right now.
And of course, as things often go with me, it seemed for a time that I’d chosen the wrong horse. Support for HD DVD was fledgling, and Blu Ray was picking up steam thanks to the release of the Playstation 3. More and more studios were deciding to release products on Blu Ray only, and some experts predicted that HD DVD would fold as early as this Christmas.
But earlier this week, something totally unexpected happened. Paramount / Dreamworks, who had been supporting both formats, suddenly aligned themselves exclusively with HD DVD, citing cheaper production costs, inexpensive players, and better brand loyalty.
The Blu Ray camp blew a gasket.
Boycotts of Paramount / Dreamworks products were called for. Angry letters and phone calls were sent to executives and PR people. Internet forums exploded in a frenzy of nerd outrage. "How dare the HD DVD camp try to survive! This was supposed to be over by the winter and we’d be winners! They ruined it! Sellouts!"
For whatever reason, people have attached themselves to the technology in this battle and not the movies. Most high def participants are fiercely devoted to one side or the other, and everyone else is just staying out of it entirely.
But let me explain why this war continuing is a good thing. Competition brings lower prices to the market faster. If there had only been one format or the other, would we already have players as low as $180? Would there be crazy good deals out there, where you can get up to *7* free movies with the purchase of a player? Competition makes both sides work even harder to get our money, and consumers win as a result.
Also, combo units are on the horizon, and with the war continuing on like it is, they’ll most likely become the standard. If you choose a side now, it’s unlikely that you’re going to come out on the losing end of anything. Your discs won’t be obsolete if Blu Ray or HD DVD fold. There should always be a way to play them (until the next big thing comes along, that is).
So everyone just chill out. If you have a high def TV and love movies, get yourself one of the high def movie players. Enjoy what’s out there. Enjoy what’s coming. Stop taking this stuff so seriously.
Worst Movie Scenes of All Time: Episode 11
Total YouTube views for this series to date: 317,553
Episode 11 is a two parter, and a rather profane two-parter at that. So those of you at work, you’ve been warned.
I’ll admit, I’m a huge fan of overacting. When a movie flat-out sucks, overacting helps make it tolerable. Hell, even entertaining on some level. And there couldn’t be a better example of this than the 1993 stinker Deadfall.
Deadfall is notable for containing the single most ridiculous performance by an Oscar winning actor.
Nicolas Cage is that actor, and his performance is featured in this two part video. He plays a rather slimy criminal-type without any sense of when to dial it back a notch. The film was directed by his brother, who probably was afraid to tell his more famous sibling that he was out of control.
Mmmm, vitamins
A little over two months ago, I decided to end my lifelong relationship with soda.
I was probably drinking close to a 2 liter’s worth of soda per day. I felt like I needed it. I needed it to wake up, I needed it to stay awake, I needed it with meals, and I needed it when I felt thirsty.
What I didn’t need were all the calories, sugar, and headaches that would come when I’d go without for a few hours.
So I did it. I quit cold turkey. Which I’m not told you’re not really supposed to do. But whatever, I quit. And for about a week I had the worst headache I’ve ever had in my life. I thought it would never go away. But it did.
My main fear about eliminating soda from my life wasn’t the potential headache though, it was being able to find something delicious to
replace it with. I drink water, but I can’t drink it all the time
because it just doesn’t taste great. A couple years ago I went the
diet soda route, but that’s not an option anymore because there’s still
the caffeine to deal with and I started having harsh reactions to
artificial sweeteners.
So I found this beverage called Vitamin Water made by a company called Glaceau. It tastes like watered down Gatorade, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s great stuff, and I now swear by it. If I could own stock in them, I would. And the company seems to be taking off.
While this wasn’t necessarily a dietary decision, there have already been notable health benefits to this. Just in the last month or so, I’ve lost 11 pounds. And I rarely have headaches anymore. All because I stopped drinking soda. Man that was easy, in the grand scheme of things.
10,000+ Miles
A few weekends ago I crossed the 10,000 mile mark on my Nissan Versa. It has proven itself to be a very reliable family vehicle.
The closest thing I can come up with for a complaint is that the air conditioner isn’t as strong as I’d like it to be, and it can take a little while to really kick into overdrive. But considering that I live in Florida where it’s 175 degrees in the shade, this might not be a bad thing where you live.
Also, as many of the reviews stated, the brakes aren’t as strong as you might desire them to be. In most cases you’ll need to apply a little more pressure to the brakes to bring the car to a stop than you would in other cars. This takes a little getting used to, and I’ll admit I’m still adjusting to it.
While the car looks small, it comfortably seats four people and can seat five in a pinch. I know because we’ve been in such pinches before. Now you wouldn’t want to take five people on a trip or anything, but if a bunch of teens need a ride to the movies, it’ll do.
I’ve had no mechanical problems with the Versa whatsoever. It has been in twice for oil changes, and that’s it. It always starts on the first turn of the key.
Overall, 9 months later, I’m still thrilled with this purchase. It’s a great little car for the money.
Yay Styx! Well… sorta…
Dennis DeYoung and Glen Burtnik, both formerly of Styx, will be here in town in October for a concert. And guess who’s going? That’s right, this guy.
Maybe Hal Sparks will show up as a special guest…