Archive for October, 2007
Charlie Sheen Likes, Loves Then Kills Dolls
I’ve always liked Charlie Sheen. He seems like he’d be a fun guy to hang around with on the set, based on his movie roles and seemingly charming personality. But the tabloids are always filled with stories about his insane sexual behavior, and eventually you can’t help but wonder if this guy actually has a screw loose. Or several. Here’s the latest, from MSNBC.com:
He may be notorious for his pervy ways with the ladies, but according to a story in the New York Daily News, Charlie Sheen’s preferences aren’t limited to the real article. Rush & Molloy report that the actor once proudly owned a $6,000 full-sized, anatomically-correct cheerleader doll.
Apparently Charlie didn’t see anything wrong with his latex lady. An insider told the publication that he even brought her along to the “Spin City” set back in the day. But all that changed when Charlie offered a couple of real live women the chance for a foursome with him and his inanimate pal.
“They couldn’t stop laughing at him,” the source told the Daily News. “Charlie got so mad that he ran the girls out of his house. Then he took a meat cleaver and chopped one of the doll’s hands off. He and his bodyguard tried to dispose of it, like it was a real body. They wrapped it in a blanket and drove around in the middle of the night till they found a dumpster.”
But was it really rejection that made the former escort agency serial-client go axe murderer on his cheer-squad reject, or ribbing from his friends that the doll bore a stricking resemblance to ex Denise Richards?
Another New Video Series: From the Vault
Keeping a consistent presence on YouTube isn’t easy.
You usually need to upload at least one video per week (if your account isn’t already insanely popular) just to keep the handful of subscribers you already have, let alone attract new ones.
Episode 16 of the Worst Movie Scenes series has been taking a lot longer than I initially thought it would. I think my vision of it was more complicated than Windows Movie Maker will allow, and so I keep having to scale it back into something more feasible. It’ll still be out soon, but it’s consuming a lot of time.
The Summer 1999 ABC News bloopers series is winding down, and I intend to do some major re-editing to the Winter 1999 reel before posting it online, so that too is going to take some time.
So in the meantime, I need content.
Luckily, I’ve been involved with making little goofy movies since my early days of high school, all the way back to 1990 or so. And since content is content, I’ve added a new series to my account called "From the Vault" which takes a look back in time to the "brilliant" Watercooler movies of yesteryear, before there even was a Watercooler.
Some of the films are competently made. Some of them are tolerable. And some of them are downright embarrassing and most likely will not see the light of day online. But again, content is content.
Today I’m posting a segment from something called C&C TV, which was going to be a weekly half hour show made by me and my high school friends. There was only one episode. Why? Well the first episode took months to edit and wound up being 50+ minutes long, so there’s that…
I’ll get into the history of the show more when I post the intro segment from it sometime next week. But until then, get yourself over to Watercooler Films and watch the "awesome" movie trailer for A League of His Own.
Those of you that know me should get a kick out of seeing me when I was only 16 or 17.
More Crap from South Park Tonight
I love the high concept episodes…
NEW YORK, October 8, 2007 – Stan’s dad takes the biggest crap of his life and his mom just can’t see what the big deal is in an all-new episode of "South Park" entitled, "More Crap," premiering on Wednesday, October 10 at 10:00 p.m. on COMEDY CENTRAL.Randy becomes South Park’s home-town hero when the guys down at the local bar see the size of his most recent crap. Randy contacts a society that keeps track of the world record, thinking his masterpiece would definitely be a contender.
The ABC25 News Blooper Reels Continue…
Generally in television news you make the blooper reel for the Christmas party every year. Once a year.
However, our first tape was such a success and we still had so much
great stuff on tape that we decided that we were going to do them every
six months. Today, over at Watercooler Films, I’ve posted the first 10 minute segment of our Summer 1999 reel (which ran
about 50 minutes in total).
As with the Winter 1998 reel, I’ve edited things down a bit,
removing the inside jokes that no one would get as well as the truly
dirty stuff that would get my friends who are still in the business
fired.
George Harrison Goes Digital
Nine of former Beatle George Harrison’s solo albums became available for digital download on Tuesday, making the bulk of all the Beatles’ solo work now available for download.
Like Ringo Starr before him though (whose work was released to the web in late August), some albums are not yet available. The nine albums you can download now are: All Things Must Pass, Thirty Three & 1/3, George Harrison, Somewhere in England, Gone Troppo, Cloud Nine, Live in Japan, Brainwashed, and Living in the Material World. All have been remastered and some include bonus tracks that were not included on the original releases.
Still hidden away behind the firewall at this time are the Concert for Bangladesh, Dark Horse, Best of Dark Horse, Extra Texture and Best of George Harrison. The official press release states that the remainder of his albums will be released in the new year, which is good because out of all his solo work, Extra Texture is the album I wanted to upgrade the most.
The records are available for download at all the usual places, including iTunes and Amazon.com’s new MP3 download service.
Anatomy of a Douchebag
In the same tongue-in-cheek tradition of last week’s recommended blog Hot Chicks with Douchebags comes Anatomy of a Douchebag, a fun little short that once again explains how being a douchebag can land you chicks.
Technically sloppy in a few places but still rather amusing. Enjoy.
Ever Heard of a Zombie Walk?
I find this all incredibly amusing…
On October 19th at the T.G.I. Friday’s in Orlando there are plans to hold the largest "zombie walk" ever. Ever! Don’t know what a zombie walk is? Here is the official explanation, straight from the source:
A Zombie Walk is an organized public gathering of people who dress up as zombies. These events usually take place in a Large City or Town, the participants make their way around the city streets and through shopping malls in a somewhat orderly fashion and often limping and gnawing their way towards a local cemetery, movie theater, or in our case, convention.
During the event participants are encouraged to remain in character as zombies and to communicate only in a manner consistent with zombies (such as grunts, groans and slurred moans calling for “brains”.)
There will be all kinds of special guest zombies at the zombie walk, like zombie make-up man Tom Savini, and um… that’s about it really. But there may be more special zombies announced soon.
My favorite part of the whole walk though are the "rules". Yes, there are rules for a zombie walk. Number 6 is my favorite, given how it’s kind of a real rule thrown in there blindly. And there’s no Rule #3 for some reason. Regardless, here they are:
1. All Children Of The Dead are to be accompanied by an Adult Zombie at all times. That does not mean us we have enough little stinches.
2. Don’t approach or touch anyone that seems not to be okay with zombies. Avoid Confrontations. Beware Possible Zombie Hunters have contacted me that they will be on site.
4. No Drugs or Vaccines
5. Stay on sidewalk unless crossing street. Orlando streets are crazy busy so you might want to break from character if you are a Romero Zombie. Dawn Remake Zombies should be okay.
6. No littering, destruction of property, or any other illegal activity.
7. If you get in trouble, arrested, and or shot in the head. Screamfest, Spooky Empire, Zombiefriends.com, and any sponsors are not responsible and you will be come another one for the fire.
8. Have Fun and Eat Brains.
Anyone wanna go check this thing out? Could be some fun people watching. I mean zombie watching! Tee hee. Ugh.
I Hate the Mail
Back in my film critic days, the delivery of the mail was like Christmas. Every single day, screeners, promos, press kits, press releases, and other film related swag would show up at my house in big padded envelopes or giant brown boxes. UPS, Fed Ex, DHL (then Airborne Express) and the US Mail… man those trucks were the greatest sights in the world.
Unfortunately, one of the many reasons that my movie reviewing empire crumbled at my feet was because of the screeners, promos, press kits, press releases, and other film related swag that would show up at my house every day in big padded envelopes or giant brown boxes. I was living in a modest apartment at the time, and it got out of control. Fast.
Even though I had up to seven writers working with me at one point, stuff still came in faster than I could send it out. Piles of screeners sorted by author preference were everywhere, and stacked high too. I made a point of storing press kits because every so often something would catch fire on Ebay and a press kit for the DVD release of Edward Scissorhands would fetch upwards of $200. The same went for WWF beach towels and Hot Wheels cars promoting The Dukes of Hazzard and one sheets and other assorted swag that might fetch a couple of bucks someday in the future should I get laid off again for the 97th time. In a box they went. Then into another, then another…
By the time I closed up shop, I had to move to a bigger apartment. That’s how much stuff I had amassed. It was out of control and I was a little too fearful at the time to throw any of it away because as I said, it could have helped pay the electric bill some day.
And now, even though I’ve been essentially out of the reviewing game for several years, it continues to come. Granted I was able to put a stop to most of it, but there are some mailing lists that I don’t have a clue how I got onto or, nor do I know how to get off them. Weird stuff too, like exercise DVDs for pregnant women into feng shui and High School Musical press releases. Sometimes I wish I could just change my name and move to Uruguay or something, but I know the stuff would follow me. Some of the stuff I get has addresses on them that are 100% incorrect and yet they still make their way to my mailbox.
So, come on. Stop with the stuff.
Porn still manages to show up from time to time too. But that’s not so bad.
New Google Searches
So here are some of the keyword searches that have brought people to the new Pockets of Sanity blog that everyone’s been talking about…
* wake up drink winn dixie
* berries and cream MPEG download
* cavemen jokes
* crackers shaped like vegetables
* pants dance 2007
Officer uses pellet gun to save skunk stuck in jar
CARROLLTON TOWNSHIP, Mich. – Officer James Kellett knows it’s job to serve and protect — even when it comes to nature’s stinky black and white creatures.
When a skunk with its head stuck in a salad dressing jar wandered into the Carrollton Township police station’s parking lot, he grabbed a pellet gun and shot at the jar from about 40 feet away.The shots cracked and shattered the jar, leaving a glass collar around the skunk’s neck. With its head free, the skunk ran off.
"I didn’t want to use deadly force, and it is a residential area," Kellett told The Saginaw News. "The way he was when he took off, he was able to eat, breathe and spray — and do anything else skunks like to do."
Kellett didn’t get much in the way of gratitude, but he’s grateful the skunk didn’t spray. But there is one bonus — the makers of T. Marzetti’s salad dressing are sending the officer coupons good for free dressing as a reward.
That skunk is lucky that it didn’t get the taser… 