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My New Nemesis: Coke Zero Guy

Someone that I work with, who parks generally pretty close to where I park, enjoys drinking Coke Zero.  Well, partially enjoys drinking Coke Zero.  You see, just about EVERY SINGLE WORKDAY this person will drink half a can of their delicious Coke Zero beverage and then place the can on the ground outside their car door and drive off. 

Coke0Despite the presence of trash cans and recycle bins in and around the entire lot, this person has no time  for proper waste disposal.  Or perhaps this person is just so exhausted from their amazingly healthy lifestyle that there's just not enough strength left in their body after a long hard day to just drive their trash home and throw it away when they get there.  No sir, Captain Busypants drinks half a Coke Zero and then decides our parking lot is the best place to dispose of their symbol of healthy living.  "Look at me, fellow colleagues! I drink delicious Coke Zero and am marking my territory with it!  Bow down before me because I am clearly superior to all of you!"

Why does this bother me so much you might be asking yourself?  Because this asshat's half-full (yes I'm that kind of guy) Coke Zero can would always wind up getting crunched under one of my tires and not-so-refreshing-at-that-point Coke Zero product would splash up onto the front of my car when I'd come to work in the morning.  After happening several times I simply started parking further away to avoid this, but I can't believe I've actually altered my parking place because some douchenozzle can't manage to throw away their trash and now seems to be making a point to leave it behind for all to see.

What's the deal, Coke Zero Guy?  Are you scared to bring home your can where the wife can see it, afraid that she'll question your manhood?  You've done this every day for at least six months now, surely you've lost a little bit of weight and can walk your trash to the trash can.  Hell, you pass at least TWO TRASH CANS on your way in from the parking lot to the building.

If I didn't have an actual job to do every day, I'd seriously set up some kind of surveillance on this person to find out exactly who it is so I can publicly call them out and humiliate the shit out of them.  I have zero tolerance (Coke Zero tolerance!) for this kind of nonsense, and if I was unemployed then by God I'd make sure this person was exposed.


Coke Zero in no way endorses or approves of this posting.


Dinner. Who’s with me?