Smarmy Jerkface Dot Com

Dear punkass douchebag who keeps coming onto my property and defacing my daughter's car,

I don't know what your lame-ass problem is, but go ahead and try it one more time.  I dare you.  You're not going to like the consequences.

Whatever your issue is, grow the fuck up and get over yourself.  If you come into my yard again and attempt to damage her car one more time, you're going to be in a world of hurt.  I'm not joking.

Meet Sophie, our new addition to the household. 

Please don't turn out to be a demon.

Having friends tell hot strippers that you’re getting married soon results in having titties presented to your face and then getting practically molested.

Having friends tell mildly hot bartenders that you’re getting married soon results in a non-response that basically translates into "So?  What do you want me to do about it?"

So where would you rather spend your time and money?

If you have kids, you should be entitled to a scavenger hunt reward system where, every time you find a Cheerio in a weird place, you get a nickel.  Like behind the toilet.  Or in the dog’s hair.

If you have girls, there should be a second tier to the game where you get a nickel every time you find a Q-Tip in a strange place.  Like the Cheerios box.

There, now I’m a mommy blogger.  I want my millions.

I won’t be able to post on February 29th for another four years… so, uh… hi!

Is this inappropriate?  You decide.  Then, let a "lawyer" tell you the "law".