Smarmy Jerkface Dot Com

ORANGE COUNTY, Fla. — A 13-year-old girl’s sexual shenanigans have put a second man behind bars. Morris Williams, 22, told the judge he thought the girl was 18-years-old, but he found out Tuesday that ignorance is not a defense.

Morris Williams’ mother wailed as he went off to jail. The judge asked for media not to show 13-year-old Alisha Dean’s face in court, but her pictures are all over her MySpace page and they portray a sexy, 19-year-old divorced woman.

"She told me she had just turned 18," Williams said.

Williams said Dean picked him up on the street and after a few conversations they had sex. When he heard she was not 18, he went to her father.

"He was like ‘well, she’s 13,’" Williams said of a conversation with Dean’s father.

Williams said he never did it again, but Dean has done it before with 24-year-old Darwin Mills.  Mills was sentenced to five years in prison.

Dean’s father wanted Williams to join Mills there.

"One of the reasons for the law is the fact that minors have poor judgment," said Jerry Dean, the girl’s father.

Williams’ father believes the jail sentence sends the wrong message to Alisha.

"I guess we just sit back and count how many after this," Henry Smith asked after his step-son was sentenced to jail.

Dean’s family admits Alisha still stays out late and has yet to delete her misleading MySpace page.

Williams will serve six years probation with the first year in jail. The other five years he will have to wear an ankle monitor. His attorney says he will come back to court to ask again for a shorter sentence.

So this has happened twice now… how is it the faults of the men again?  Williams even went straight to the father after finding this out.  He could have just kept quiet and nothing would have ever come from it, but he went to her father and told her what had happened, and now he’s in jail.  Try and do the right thing in a bad situation and see what happens?  What a fantastic message to send.

Yes, I absolutely understand that 13 year olds aren’t capable of certain mature decisions thus the reasons for these kinds of laws.  But PARENTS are the first line of defense.  So this happened once, okay fine.  You lock the girl in her room and take away her computer.  But then it happens again?  And her parents have allowed her page to STILL be online (as you can see, now the 13 year old is only 16 years old, and praying to God in some kind of language that might have once been english to get her through her troubles).

Unless there’s something else to this story that’s not being reported, I’m having a very hard time with the fact that this guy will now be labeled as a sexual predator for the rest of his life.  I can understand if he knew or thought she was underage, that’s an entire matter altogether.  But he was told she was over 18 and divorced, and I’m sorry but she looks rather mature for 13, so I don’t see it as being an amazingly clear cut example of poor judgment.

I’m glad I’m not "out there" anymore.  Not that I would even have been in this kind of situation… I’m just saying.  I’m so glad this kind of crap isn’t even on my radar.

So here’s the story behind that video.  A pair of spoiled skanks needed money.  So they decided to swipe Girl Scout cookie money from a 9 year old Girl Scout who was selling her treats in front of a local Winn-Dixie.  Story: http://www.wpbf.com/news/15194935/detail.html

Authorities said that a 17-year-old girl in a hot-pink sweatshirt
approached Smith outside of a Winn-Dixie supermarket at Hypoluxo and
Jog roads in Boynton Beach Wednesday evening and asked the girl what
her favorite cookies were. Police told WPBF that, while Smith was
telling the teen about her favorite Cinna-Spins, the teen snatched an
envelope containing about $167 off of Smith’s table, hopped into
another teen’s car and drove away.

The teens returned to the scene the next day and taunted the girl and
the troop after seeing reports of their heist on the news, WPBF
reported.

The asswipe who did the stealing is the one whose face is blurred in the video (because she’s a minor).  But the getaway driver is now 18 years old.  She’s Stefanie Woods, whose Myspace page was last updated on May 27th, and you’ll understand why I’m pointing that out shortly.

On February 5th, Woods was arrested.  Story: http://www.wpbf.com/news/15226096/detail.html

"We went through all that effort to get it, we got all these charges and we had to give the money back. I’m kind of pissed," Woods told WPBF.

Woods was arrested Tuesday on a violation of probation charge. State Attorney’s Office Spokesman Mike Edmondson said Woods was on probation for a battery charge and that her probation officer alerted police after seeing the teen on TV admitting to robbing the girl scout.

A couple of days later, after having her hearing rescheduled because both her parents and lawyer didn’t even bother to show up (now explain that part of the law to me), Woods "apologized" to the Girl Scout that she robbed a week earlier.  Story: http://www.wpbf.com/news/15235152/detail.html

"Yes, I’m very sorry, actually. I actually apologized. I was sorry from the start," Stefanie Woods told WPBF Wednesday.

While leaving from her court appearance Wednesday, Woods apologized for
the incident and told WPBF that she was just angry when she originally
said that she was not sorry.

"Yes, I know, at that time I was
angry, but I realized that I can’t be angry at anybody but myself. So,
I’m sorry to Gracie and I’m sorry to the parent. I’m sorry," Woods told
WPBF.

While those charges were pending (and the case was moved to adult court), the two goofs still couldn’t behave themselves.  Around 3am on February 17th, they skipped out on their check at a local Denny’s.  Story: http://www.wpbf.com/news/15342312/detail.html

Police said the two teens left a Denny’s restaurant at 4541 Hypoluxo
Road in Lake Worth around 3 a.m. Sunday without paying their $26 bill.
Authorities told WPBF News 25 that they tracked down Woods at her home
after a Denny’s employee wrote down the license plate number on fleeing
teen’s car.

More details came out about Woods’ past arrests when it was determined that she would not be charged as an adult for stealing the cookie money.  Story: http://www.wpbf.com/news/15381290/detail.html

According to arrest records, Woods’ juvenile record already includes a
burglary charge in 2006, a battery charge in April 2007 and a
contempt-of-court charge in July 2007.

The cookies started to crumble earlier this month, when Woods plead no contest to skipping out on her check at Denny’s.  Turns out her friend was ready to testify against her.  Story: http://www.wpbf.com/news/16374042/detail.html

On Thursday, Woods appeared in court with her mother and pleaded no
contest for walking out with her friend on their $28 Denny’s bill. The
teen said she pleaded out because the girl with her at Denny’s planned
to testify against her, even though Woods insisted that she did not
know that her friend was not going to pay their bill."

All I can
say is that, I’m really sorry, and Denny’s was not my fault, even
though you guys don’t want to believe me. Nobody wants to believe me,
so, that’s all I can really say," she told WPBF Thursday.

Well she’s right about one thing… no one wants to believe her.  Why?  Because people HATE her.  Then she went on to explain why she acts out.

"That’s
how I do it when I get angry. I just pretty much flip it around and try
to make people mad and I guess people don’t like it," Woods said
Thursday.

Woods’ mother, Deborah Smith, told Palm Beach County
Judge Barry Cohen that her daughter acted the way she did because of
her parents’ divorce in 1999.

The teen apologized to reporters Thursday, saying that she felt that no one understood her."

I take a little bit of responsibility, it’s just — I feel really misunderstood. I just feel really angry," Woods said.

So, poor little misunderstood rich girl from a broken home can’t help herself.  Waaaah, waaaah, waaaah.  Well guess what Bitchy McBitchalot?  It’s Linda Blair, women in prison time for you.  Because you’re going to jail.  Wednesday, Woods was sentenced to up to three years in a high-security juvenile treatment facility to deal with her mental illness and substance abuse problems, after being convicted of petty theft and probation violations.  Story: http://www.wpbf.com/news/16416155/detail.html

A report prepared for Woods’ sentencing Wednesday detailed the
18-year-old’s alleged substance abuse, which included drinking alcohol
at age 14 and the recreational use of marijuana, Xanax, cocaine, LSD
and heroin.

Baker said Woods was "an out-of-control drug user"
during the proceedings Wednesday, telling her, "Either you are the
biggest liar that ever lived, or the biggest exaggerator that ever
lived, or you’re in serious trouble."

Woods remained emotionless throughout her sentencing but then broke down into tears while hugging her mother goodbye.

And her tears brought me great joy.  Now let’s work on the other one.

(BELLEVUE, OH) — Police say a man in Bellevue, Ohio was caught on tape having sex with a picnic table.

Bellevue Police Captain Matt Johnson says Art Price, Jr., 40, was seen on four occasions between the hours of 10:30 a.m. and noon having sex with his picnic table. What makes this a felony, Johnson says, is that it took place in close proximity to a school, which made it likely that children could have seen Price.

The neighbor — who wishes to remain anonymous — saw Price walk out onto his deck, stand a round metal table on its side and use the hole in the umbrella to have sex.

The most recent instance took place March 14, we’re told. A neighbor videotaped Price.

"The first video we had, he was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table," Johnson says.

Police say Price admitted to the crimes — four charges of public indecency. Usually these sorts of things are misdemeanors, but in this case, they are felonies.

"What boosts it up to a felony is that the statute says if it’s likely to be viewed by a minor," Johnson explains.

The Price family did not want to talk with us, but neighbors did. Some are not happy Price was released on his own recognizance.

"He shouldn’t be allowed just for the fact that he could do that again — and nude that close to a school. That should be zero tolerance," says Brice Jacobs, a neighbor.

Price is married with three school-aged children. Neighbors tell us they’re now worried about the kids.

"Hopefully it stays between the adults and the kids don’t get a lot of the information so they aren’t so cruel to the little kids," says Emily Grote, a neighbor.

This case has police in this small town shaking their heads. "Once you think you’ve seen it all, something else comes around," Johnson says.

I don’t even know how to react to this.  The family didn’t want to talk to reporters about their kinfolk giving the backyard picnic table a poke?  What a shock.  And this was recorded?  Seriously, some things should not be on tape…

CORAOPOLIS, Pennsylvania (AP) — A high school gym teacher was charged with sending nude pictures of herself and sexually suggestive cell phone text messages to a 14-year-old freshman at the school.

Gym teacher Beth Ann Chester, 26, is accused of sending nude photos and lurid texts to a freshman’s cell phone.

Beth Ann Chester, a 26-year-old health and physical education teacher at Moon Area High School in suburban Pittsburgh, was arrested Friday and charged with child sexual abuse, statutory sexual assault and related counts, authorities said.

Police said Chester, who is married, had sent a boy three pictures of herself, two of them naked, by cell phone on December 22, and the boy replied with a naked picture of himself.

The boy denied having physical contact with Chester, but there probably was contact, Moon Township Police Chief Leo McCarthy said. The boy also told police he "felt he was in love with the teacher now," police said.

McCarthy also said Chester made "substantial admissions" to police.

Police began investigating after Moon Area School District officials reported Thursday that Chester may have had inappropriate contact with a student.

The boy’s parents had discovered suggestive text messages and met with Chester on December 26, police said.

She handed in her resignation the next day, citing personal reasons. Authorities said another teacher had told school officials last week that she believed the resignation was related to messages that Chester had sent to a student.

The boy told police he and Chester began exchanging text messages in late October, and that they devised a system to spend extra time with one another at school, police said. In one message, police said, Chester called the boy "sexy" and made a graphic reference to his body.

She was being held in the Allegheny County jail after failing to post $50,000 bond. Nobody has entered an appearance as her attorney, according to District Judge Mary Murray’s office. A preliminary hearing was scheduled for Tuesday.

Chester had remained on the school payroll pending the school board’s formal acceptance of her resignation. School district attorney Jack Cambest said Chester has been employed with the district for more than two years.

"Um, who tows police cars for being stopped in an alley for 10 seconds?  Aren’t the meter maid people… the tow truck people and the police people on the same side?  What is going on here?"

That quote was from my video review of the classic stinker Smokey and the Bandit 3.  As it turns out, it would seem that I owe the makers of Smokey 3 a bit of an apology…

Man Accused Of Trying To Tow Police Car
Driver Arrested On Several Charges
December 14, 2007

GRESHAM, Ore. — A tow truck driver tried to tow a police car from an apartment complex early Thursday morning, according to the Gresham Police Department.

Police said officers responded to the Kempton Downs apartments on a domestic disturbance call, reported KPTV in Portland, Ore.

When Officer Tyson Conroy returned to his patrol car, he noticed a tow truck driver had hooked up another officer’s marked car to the truck, according to police.

Officer Tom Pohlman said he was surprised to see his car hooked up to the truck.

"I asked him, ‘What are you doing?" Pohlman said. "And he said I was parked in a fire lane."

Steven Syverson, 32, was ordered to release the car. He eventually did, but police said he otherwise refused to cooperate with them.

Syverson locked himself in the tow truck and then called his dispatchers, asking them to call police, according to officers.

Police said the towing company’s manager eventually showed up and talked Syverson into surrendering to officers.

Gary Coe, the owner of the towing company, said Syverson was having personal problems. But he said he was a good employee.

"He obviously lacked common sense," Coe said. "It’s not something you train (them for); (you) don’t tow police cars."

Syverson was arrested on charges of unlawful use of a vehicle, obstructing governmental administration, interfering with an officer and criminal mischief.

Man accused of swiping blow-up dolls
Wisconsin State Journal

A man accused of stealing several blow-up dolls from an adult novelty store says the burglary was a "drunken, stupid thing."

A criminal complaint filed in Dane County says Jose Sandoval, 26, of DeForest, smashed through the front door at Naughty Novelties in Burke last month and stole a talking love doll with a $270 price tag, along with other dolls and items.

Video surveillance tape gave investigators a look at the car outside the novelty shop, which they pulled over about ten days later.

The complaint says Sandoval denied committing the burglary, then began to cry and led detectives to an abandoned semi behind a motel where the stolen items were recovered.

The part where he began to cry over his drunken love affair with a talking love doll is my favorite part.  I guess he couldn’t live with the guilt of being a moron any longer.

I really missed out on all the great things you kids get nowadays in high school.  Hot teachers having sex with poor, unsuspecting teen boys, and now… stripper visits during class.

A teenage schoolboy was pulled around his classroom on a lead and spanked by a stripper after a birthday surprise blunder.

The pupil’s mother had ordered an agency to give her son a "surprise" on his 16th birthday – and the teacher had even agreed to film the prank.

But it all went wrong when the unnamed company sent a stripper dressed as a policewoman instead of a "gorillagram" – in what it called a booking error.

One witness told reporters: "She asked the lad to stand up, which he did, and told him he had been a very naughty boy because he hadn’t been doing his homework.

"Then she put on some Britney Spears music and got out a collar and lead from her bag and told him to put them on."

After walking the boy round the classroom and spanking him with a whip – the action turned even more blue.

"She took off some clothes until she was down to her bra and pants, pulled out some cream, put it on her buttocks and told him to rub it in," the source said.

It was at that point the shocked teacher – who had not been told what the surprise was – called an end to the show.

A spokeswoman for the local education authority, Nottinghamshire County Council, said they were investigating how the incident happened.

She confirmed nobody had been suspended from Nottingham’s Arnold Hill School and Technology College and the police were not involved.

The spokeswoman said: "We and the school are investigating into the situation."

CARROLLTON TOWNSHIP, Mich. – Officer James Kellett knows it’s job to serve and protect — even when it comes to nature’s stinky black and white creatures.

When a skunk with its head stuck in a salad dressing jar wandered into the Carrollton Township police station’s parking lot, he grabbed a pellet gun and shot at the jar from about 40 feet away.

The shots cracked and shattered the jar, leaving a glass collar around the skunk’s neck. With its head free, the skunk ran off.

"I didn’t want to use deadly force, and it is a residential area," Kellett told The Saginaw News. "The way he was when he took off, he was able to eat, breathe and spray — and do anything else skunks like to do."

Kellett didn’t get much in the way of gratitude, but he’s grateful the skunk didn’t spray. But there is one bonus — the makers of T. Marzetti’s salad dressing are sending the officer coupons good for free dressing as a reward.

That skunk is lucky that it didn’t get the taser… 

TOKYO (Reuters) – A disgruntled Japanese worker smashed up his employer’s office in a fit of pique after his boss ignored his gift of jellies, a national paper said on Thursday.

An Osaka court heard that the 31-year-old man, who worked for an online clothing sales company, had given the company president a box of jelly desserts in the summer as a mark of gratitude after landing the job, the English-language Asahi Shimbun said.

Many Japanese maintain a tradition of sending gifts to important business contacts in summer and winter.

When the employee realized that his boss had left the box of jellies unopened under his desk, he smashed 22 computers in the office with a truncheon, the paper said. No one was injured in the incident.

The man pleaded guilty to charges of obstructing business with force, the paper said.

"I wish the company president had cared a little more," the paper quoted the employee’s lawyer as saying.

Prosecutors said the employer had been too busy to open the gift, the paper said.

Wow, a truncheon?  I didn’t even know what the hell that was.  I’d never heard that word in my life until reading this article.  Do people just have these things handy in Japan?  Are they something you keep in a briefcase or backpack?

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve really been questioning the sanity of people who still latch onto outdated rules of etiquette just because they’re there.  But man, our rules are nothing like the ones in Japan.  They take their jelly seriously, yo.